November 18, 2009

Why do I stumble?

I came into the office early this morning to get some extra time with the Lord.  It seems that once the day gets going all the dizziness and people crowd out any quality time to sit, reflect and develop that calm and quiet center to live out of Gods grace.

I’m reading through the book of Hebrews in my personal devotions and was struck this morning by the warning in Hebrews 3:12: “See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God.”  Later in the same chapter, verse 19 he says, “So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief.”  I know this is nothing new, but it struck me that at the heart of all my issues in relating to God is my struggle with temptation in sin; one simple common denominator – unbelief!

• I get stressed out because I don’t believe – God is in control!
• I get anxious about what might happen because I don’t believe – God is good!
• I get worn out trying to do too much because I don’t believe – God will accomplish what concerns me!
• I get frustrated when things don’t work out the way I think they should because I don’t believe – God is all wise; His timing and His methods are perfect! 
• I get afraid and wonder how we will cover all of our costs because I don’t believe – God is a faithful provider!

In chapter 4 the author encourages those who are struggling because of the persecution and difficulty that they’re facing not to drift away from the Lord through unbelief, but to enter His rest.  To rest in the fact that He is in control, that He is good, that He cares and knows about all my needs, and is an all-wise and faithful provider.  I love the line in Hebrews 4:10, “For anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from His.” 

This is not a command about being passive because the very next verse commands us to make every effort to enter His rest.  It is a command to believe in who God is and what He has done.  So that we may rest from our self effort trying to earn God’s favor and to orchestrate what needs to happen in our own strength to fulfill what we think is best.

My prayer for you and me today is that we will take our eyes off of our to-do list and all the demands that we feel and simply ask God, “What does it look like to trust You today?“  What would it look like to trust You when I feel overwhelmed?  What would it look like to trust You in this problematic relationship?  What would it look like to trust You for my finances?  What would it look like to trust You for my future?

As I ponder these questions and look at the relationship between a “sinful and unbelieving heart,” I realize that nearly all of the sins that we commit are rooted first and foremost in our unbelief.  It’s when I do not believe God and take shortcuts in an attempt to make life work through – a white lie, a subtle manipulation, attempts to please people, neglecting my body to work more, pretending I’m something more than I am to impress others or gain their favor… and the list goes on.

“Without faith it is impossible to please God” (Hebrews 11:6).

So let’s trust today with believing hearts and enter His rest.

Keep pressing ahead,

November 16, 2009

Balance & Perspective

If there are two words that much of life hinges on, they are balance and perspective. Left to myself I get out of balance. I lean toward working too much, trying to accomplish too much, trying to go too fast, and seeking to meet far too many needs. Part of it is a genuine desire to serve and love God; and part of it is the warped psyche that I still possess in my flesh that compels me to please people and seek my worth and value through my performance.

One of my favorite people, Dr. Howard Hendricks (a professor and longtime mentor) once told me — “The only time we are more in balance is when the pendulum of our life is swinging from one extreme to another.” Maturity is learning by God’s grace over time to reduce how far we swing to the right and to the left of the balanced life God desires for us.

Let’s also be careful to think realistically and not idealistically about the whole issue of balance. There are certain times that emergencies and major projects require intense hours of focus and work. There are also times where we need extended periods of rest and refreshment to restore our body, mind and emotions. So when I think of balance, I am referring primarily to the major trends and patterns in our lives, not some idealistic — “never had a stressful day” type of balance.

At the heart of balance, I believe, is a quiet center where your soul is at peace and rest in your relationship with Jesus. Circumstances and relationships will change by the hour and bring alternating excitement and joy along with disappointment and despair. We can choose to allow the external issues of our lives to define us; or we can choose by faith to allow our relationship with a good and sovereign God to define how we will perceive and receive the circumstances and relational issues that come our way daily.

Although walking with God is far more than having a quiet time each morning; I do find that those who learn to start the day spending quality time with God eliminate much of the rush and the stress that comes their way. When I worship God and spend time in His Word I am reminded afresh that the world does not revolve around me. Circumstances and relational trauma affect me the most when I unconsciously perceive that I am the center of the world and what happens to me is all that really matters. I hate to admit that happens, but I would be lying if I told you it didn’t. Yet reading a chapter in Psalm 40 or Isaiah 40 and quietly reflecting on God’s infiniteness and my finiteness brings a sense of peace to my heart.

Recently I received a card in the mail that helped me regain my balance and perspective: read this over slowly and see if it might be a help to you.

You are in God’s place,

at God’s perfect time.

Your days are in His hands,

and He is your future.

He has gifted you and placed His hand upon you

to bless you and to make you a blessing.

The burden of your life/ministry

is not yours to carry –

as you rest, people work;

as you abide,

He will bring fruit;

as you sow, He will do the increase.

He is your shield and

your exceeding great reward.

Poem by Roy Lessin

Hope this helps you as much as it did me – Keep pressin’ ahead,

November 11, 2009

How to Rebuild Your Broken World

The phone call came in the middle of the afternoon. I was on a flight a few hours later, wondering what could have gone so wrong, so quickly. I arrived in Durham, North Carolina, and went straight to the hospital. All the doors were locked, and it was nearly 11 pm before I walked into the room where my mother lay, affixed to tubes and monitors of every fashion. As I saw her swollen body, I honestly wondered if I would have recognized her, had her name not been on the door.

For nine agonizing days, we watched her body put up a fight. The hours blurred together as we talked with doctors, paced in waiting rooms, and agonized over what medical steps God would have us take.

My mom had checked into Duke Medical Center with an overnight bag to get a second opinion on a very rare blood disease. She never left. It was one of the most difficult, painful times I’ve ever experienced.

Grief is our emotional response to losing something that’s important to us. We feel pain when something that matters is gone. Over the years, I’ve lost things, lost dreams, lost jobs, lost people, and lost hope. In the midst of these times, even as I was losing my own mother, God’s Word has reminded me that I will never lose Him.

I’ve found great comfort in these passages over the years and wanted to share them with you:

-          Psalm 23:1-6

-          John 14:1-3

-          John 16:33

-          Psalm 116:13

-          1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

If you’re finding yourself in the middle of pain, hurt and grief, I encourage you to pour out your heart to the One who holds the Universe in His palm and pray something like this:

“Father, help me know that You understand my pain. Help me to remember, right now, that You lost Your Son, and You know the pain of separation. God, please wrap Your arms around me and hold me in ways that only You can. Oh God, I hurt so deeply. Please be with me and manifest Your presence in ways like I’ve never known.”

If you would like some next step on how to rebuild your broken world, we’ve launched a new series on the radio today, “How to Rebuild Your Broken World.” You can listen free online or tune in to your local radio station.

Keep Pressin’ Ahead,

October 20, 2009

5 Million Downloads – Wow, God!

Yesterday the team and I at Living on the Edge were reflecting on all the ways God has provided and shown up in miraculous ways this past year. The increased ministry on our website came up.

So I asked our director of technology, “How many free downloads has Living on the Edge given away this year?”

I was astounded by his response, “Just about 5 million.”

WOW, God! You are generous! Thank You for Your provision and giving us the privilege of stewarding Your Word through technology and creativity.

I would also like to shout a big THANK YOU to all of you who support Living on the Edge. It is because of your partnership, millions of people every year hear the Word of God and their lives are transformed!

Here’s how your partnership is reaching thousands of others just like Cathy:

I just want to thank those responsible for these resources being online and free.  I stumbled across this ministry on the radio dial at a time of great turmoil in my life.  I am using these resources to keep me strong while getting my life sorted out.  If I had had to pay for these, I never would have heard them.  I have shared this blessing with others and I can’t thank you enough. 

Thank again.
Cathy

 

Again, we thank God for 5 million downloads this year and anticipate how we together with God’s provision and leading, will reach even more in 2010 to help Christians live like Christians.

Pressin’ Ahead Together,

October 14, 2009

Is it Prideful to Desire Greatness?

I couldn’t sleep, so I stayed up half the night thinking about some questions that had been bothering me. Is it really wrong to want to be great? Is it self-centered to want your life to really make an impact? Does ambition indicate a spiritual problem?

After tossing and turning for a couple of hours, I got up, made some hot tea, found my wife’s rocking chair and stared into the fireplace, mentally reviewing all the things God had been teaching me lately. One idea in particular seemed to capture my attention: what does “greatness” in God’s kingdom look like?

I had recently spent some time in Luke 22, a passage that raises this question. Near the end of Jesus’ earthly ministry, the disciples argued about which one of them was the greatest. Surprisingly, Jesus never rebuked them for their longing to be great. He gave them a completely new paradigm about what greatness is, but he didn’t condemn their desire. I was intrigued by that.

I also had been reading Good to Great, Jim Collin’s bestselling book about the practices of companies that are a cut above the rest. Collins and his team thoroughly researched hundreds of businesses and came up with a list of characteristics that distinguish great companies from good or mediocre ones. It has become one of the most popular business leadership books of all time. I was fascinated by the idea that such a small handful of principles can make such a huge difference in success.

As I sat up that night with these thoughts turning over in my mind, I realized that greatness is nearly everyone’s ambition in nearly every area of their lives. Corporate leaders want their companies to be great; professionals want to have great careers; men want to be great husbands and fathers; women want to be great wives and mothers; athletes want to be great competitors; scholars want to be great thinkers and researchers; artists want to create great art. Mediocrity is almost no one’s ambition.

I’ve asked a lot of people about their hopes and dreams, and I usually get unapologetic answers about their desires to be great at what they do. But when I ask believers if they want to be great Christians, they seem to be afraid to answer the question. They become unassuming and deferential, concerned that an ambition to be great in this most important aspect of life would seem arrogant. To talk about ambition in following Christ sounds like the opposite of humble spiritual maturity.

Yet what’s the alternative? Should we aspire to be mediocre Christians? Is it really prideful to want to honor God with lives of great faith and excellent work?

Even after spending three years with Jesus, the disciples didn’t’ seem to think so. They argued about which one of them was the greatest, and though Jesus had to redefine greatness for them, he didn’t tell them they were being unspiritual or arrogant because of their intense desire and ambition to be great. Instead, He laid out a clear but counterintuitive pathway that eleven of the twelve eventually fulfilled. And their greatness, as they followed that pathway turned the world upside down in less than a century.

God’s perspective. That’s the context that makes greatness a desirable quality. It’s one thing to be great in terms of financial success or popular opinion; that’s usually a self-centered, immodest ambition. But to be great in God’s kingdom? That’s a noble desire. We were designed to be great in God’s eyes. When He created humanity, He proclaimed us not just good, but “very good” (Gen 1:31). We exist for His glory. That kind of purpose isn’t served well by mediocrity or even by settling for simply being good.

No, God loves it when His people are zealous about making a difference for His kingdom. He eagerly looks over the landscape of this world to honor, empower, and strengthen those whose love and obedience bring Him pleasure. Our greatness – as He defines it – is His desire.

So if you’re ready move from good to great in God’s eyes, join us for the next couple of weeks on Living on the Edge radio. If you’d like to go through this in book format, we’re making Good to Great in God’s Eyes books 2 for the price of 1. Visit the Living on the Edge Online Store to get your copies.

Praying God’s Best… and Keep Pressin’ Ahead,

Chip

October 5, 2009

Does God Still Heal?

Does God still heal people today? If so, how does it work? When does He do it and why? Do we have some responsibility to fulfill in God’s healing process? Is healing today just spiritual and emotional or does God in fact choose to supernaturally defy natural laws and heal people’s bodies as well?

These are important and controversial questions that deserve solid, rational, biblical answers. Much damage has been done to Christ-followers in their desperate attempts to find cures for devastating diseases. Faulty theology and charlatans playing on people’s vulnerable state in their search for a miracle have left many disillusioned, skeptical and often abused.

Non-Christians in like manner need only flip through the channels of Christian TV to watch a wide variety of conflicting claims and promises about God’s healing power.

What does the Scripture really teach? How can we avoid the extremes of “believe hard enough and God will do whatever you say” or the opposite extreme that “God never heals, it was only for those New Testament times”?

In our current radio series, “Does God Still Heal”, we will ask and answer those questions. We will learn what the Bible actually says about…

1. Spiritual Healing
2. Emotional Healing
3. Physical Healing

If you or someone you know is in desperate need of restoration and healing, don’t miss this series. It is airing on the radio from Oct 6 –13^th (check local listing here). CDs are available at the Living on the Edge online store for a special on-air discount if you would like to pass them onto friends or family.

As a pastor for over 25 years I have seen God do the absolutely miraculous and remove a brain tumor; and I have seen sincere people grieve with unimaginable disappointment and anger when their unbiblical expectations were not met by God. Does God still heal? Let’s open our hearts and minds to answer that question together.

Until then… keep pressin’ ahead,

Chip

September 23, 2009

Single… or Single Again?

If you’re single, single again, or have a close friend who is single, LISTEN UP! Starting today and for the next eight weekdays, Living on the Edge is broadcasting a new series, “Singleness: Blessing or a Curse?”. We’ll tackle some of the questions you may have on this subject like…

• How does God view singleness? Is it better or more holy to be single? Are some people be called to singleness?
• What if I’m single and want to get married? What next steps should I take?
• What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage in the church?
• I’m single again, how do I grow through divorce?
• What about sex and singleness? What does God say about this?

Being single in this sex-saturated world can be very difficult, but it’s our desire at Living on the Edge to equip you with the tools you need to overcome those hurdles by finding satisfaction in God’s love through  His Word and developing relationships that last a life time. We’re on your team!

Before I close out this post, I would love to hear from all my single friends out there: What is the greatest challenge you face as a single person?

Keep Pressin’ Ahead,

Chip

September 8, 2009

How to Know if You’re in Love

Do you remember the first time it happened?  You caught one another’s eyes, and then you looked a second time. Something inside you wanted to glance a third time, followed by a fourth lingering look. You didn’t want to stare, but something irresistibly drew you to that other person.

When you were finally introduced, your palms were sweaty and you hoped no one noticed the increased perspiration under your arms. Your heart began to race as an exhilarating but unfamiliar feeling swept over you.

You were suddenly afraid to say anything because you knew that if you opened your mouth, out would flow incomprehensible babble. The experience was exciting and terrifying at the same time.

As the other person began to speak, you felt drawn like a magnet to a steel ingot. You didn’t know her or where she came from, but something about the way she looked and the aura that she projected triggered an unexplainable feeling of euphoria and excitement. Her smile or a tiny gesture became instantly engraved in your mind. You knew you would never forget her.

For an instant you wondered how you would describe this moment to a friend. Then a phrase came to mind, as if by magic, provided by countless hours of exposure to the Hollywood – “I think I’m falling in love.”

You’ve been there. I’ve been there. No doubt we all agree that those are thrilling moments, especially if we sense a similar response from the other person. But is it really love? How do you know whether what I just described is the beginning of the greatest relationship you will ever experience on earth or simply an episode of infatuation? How do you know if you’re really in love or simply attracted to a member of the opposite sex?

In this post I want to pass on a FREE message download that will help you understand if you are in love or if, in fact, you are experiencing what relational experts call infatuation.

If you’re single person, your eyes may be a little wider and your mind has kicked into overdrive. Imagine! Twelve legitimate tests that can help you discern if you’re really in love or not! Well, these are very good tests based out of Scripture and really do work. But these twelve tests are not just for single people who are dating or engaged. It will also help anyone not in a significant relationship learn what kind of person to pursue and whom to avoid.

If you’re married and you are tempted to say, “I’ve been married for twenty-seven years so what’s this got to do with me?” please think again. Our failure to understand the difference love and infatuation goes well beyond finding the right person. Unless you understand the radical difference between love and infatuation, you may set yourself up for devastation in your future years of marriage.

If you believe that what we call infatuation is the real test of love, you may be in a very good relationship but feel unloved. Your skewed expectations may be robbing you of rich, warm, and deep relationship.

Furthermore, if you are unclear about the difference between love and infatuation, you may find yourself getting unintentionally connected to a member of the opposite sex who is not your spouse, naively concluding that you’ve now found “true love.”

So download this FREE message, “How to Know if You’re Love” taken from my series, Love, Sex &  Lasting Relationships. It’s for singles, those single again and married people too! Even if you’re a grandparent, this is an invaluable message to help you counsel your granddaughters and grandsons about how to wisely choose a mate with whom to build a lasting relationship!

Keep Pressin’ Ahead,
Chip

September 4, 2009

Are You a Turtle or a Shark?

Over the years, both in my marriage and in counseling with numerous couples, I have learned that most of us fall into two major categories; we are either turtles or sharks. When there is danger or conflict, turtles pull their heads into their shells, tuck in all their appendages and withdraw to a safe place. When a turtle feels threatened, the immediate response is to withdraw. This is what my wife did in the early years of our marriage. It made me absolutely crazy!

By contrast, sharks start circling their prey, looking for vulnerable areas to attack. A share feels the same insecurities and same wounds as the turtle, but to cover those feelings of fear, the shark turns instead to an “attack mode” to provide for himself or herself the same thing the turtle is seeking to achieve – protection.

So, how about you? Do you tend to be “turtle-like” or “shark-like” when conflict arises? Understanding our own “protection devices” is a very important first step toward the goal of resolving conflict in our marriage.

Let me give you a few scenarios that might help you examine whether you have more shark or turtle tendencies.

IF YOU'RE A TURTLE…

Turtles have very distinct ways of dealing with conflict, such as not speaking to their partner for hours, days or weeks. They withhold their affection. They avoid the situation by spending more time at work, or saturation their life with children and hobbies. They run home to mom, or take their hurts to a friend who will listen to their story and offer sympathy, but rarely will they deal with the problem head-on.

At times, they run to alcohol, drugs, pleasure seeking, or eating to sedate their pain. Whatever it is, they pull inside and say, “I’m not going to deal with this. This hurts too much and I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

IF YOU'RE A SHARK…

Sharks, on the other hand, tend to be verbal and want to attack. They use a variety of attack tactics, such as the following:

• The Mind Reading Game – “You only did that because you felt guilty”
• The Numbers Game – “I’m the only one trying I this relationship. I’ve done… and you never…”
• The Intellectual Manipulation Game – “Why are you making such a big deal out of nothing?” (This dismisses genuine emotional issues by intellectualizing them).
• The Power-Intimidation Game – Angry outbursts, screaming, door slamming, “will teach you not to cross me again.”
• The Atomic Bomb Game – “All right, let’s see how you feel when I divorce you!”
• The Labeling Humiliation Game – With arms crossed and sarcastic disdain, “You’re so stupid!” or “You’re pathetic!”

I’m sure it doesn’t take much of a reminder to see yourself in these turtle and shark scenarios; they are painful, unhealthy, and destructive attempts to resolve conflict. They don’t work! And you don’t have to be a shark or a turtle.

Your ability to work through conflict in a healthy manner WILL DETERMINE the degree of success and depth of intimacy in your marriage over the long haul.

Carefully read that above phrase again. What I am saying is this: turtle and shark techniques will simply not work. Two turtles can peacefully coexist until the marriage dries up from the inside out. Or two sharks can so attack one another,  that the wounds become so deep and the bleeding and pain become so overwhelming, that the love they once shared is eventually destroyed. Or, the combination of both behaviors can produce intermittent bouts of withdrawal and attack that drain the very life and intimacy out of the even the best marriages.

So… where do we go from here? How can you, regardless of your personality, perspective, background and inherent selfish tendencies, work together through conflict? Well, it’s not easy and there’s no magic formula, but I believe God has a very clear plan to help diffuse our conflict.

We have a free video session from our small group DVD series, Five Lies That Ruin Relationships, for you to watch and share with friends called, "Diffusing Conflict, Restoring Relationships." I hope this resource will help you take the next steps in diffusing conflict in not only your marriage but in all your relationships.

Keep Pressin' Ahead,

Chip

September 3, 2009

Conflict-Free Marriage? That Doesn’t Exist.

I couldn’t believe it. This couldn’t be happening to us. How could two people who love each other and love God feel so angry towards one another? We had only been married a few weeks and I found myself with feelings that were completely foreign to our relationship. As I walked out, I slammed the screen door in disgust! She was crying. I was mad. And I knew it wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Welcome to Marriage 101! This was the first fight Theresa and I had in our early life together. I drove around for nearly two hours trying to figure out what was wrong. I naively assumed that couples who love God and loved each other wouldn’t have angry feelings and hurt one another this deeply. I was great mistaken and painfully disillusioned.

As we launch our new radio series today, “Broken Hearts, Broken Dreams,” I’d love to spend some time here on the blog to give you some simple (yes, simple – not always easy to implement, but simple), Biblical solutions for making your marriage the exception.

And why not talk about conflict? That’s where marriages start falling apart, right? When conflict occurs.

Before we get into the hands-on, practical aspects of making peace in our marriages, it is critical that we step back and get a broad understanding of relational conflict and its root causes. Often we assume something is very wrong simply because we have conflict in a meaningful relationship. But the truth is that great relationships are never “conflict free.” We need to understand conflict and its sources and learn how to handle it appropriately.

Conflict is inevitable in a fallen world.
The issue is not whether conflict is going to happen; the only issue is HOW we are going to deal with is. Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble [emphasis added]. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

In the book, Leaders on Leadership, one author writes, “If death and taxes are the first two certainties of life, conflict is the third. Life requires conflict! It is an essential part of God’s redeeming plan. Through conflict we know our need, acknowledge our sin, recognize truth, and it is by conflict God tests our faith.”

Conflict isn’t bad; it’s inevitable in a fallen world.

What do you think? How have you grown up thinking about conflict? Is it a bad thing? Healthy thing? Is knowing that conflict isn’t bad, but inevitable a comforting thought? How does this make you think about any current unresolved conflict in your relationships?

Keep Pressin' Ahead,

Chip