Comments on: Single… or Single Again? http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224 Helping Christians Live Like Christians Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:14:40 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: hostuff http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224&cpage=1#comment-1385 hostuff Sat, 12 Dec 2009 20:16:54 +0000 http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224#comment-1385 I am aborn again chistian. I have been married t and divorced becuse of abuse by my husband. I remarried and stayed with the gentkleman 10 yeaars, but there was always problems with my children not liking him. He would in turn blame me about there behavior. In some instances they were correct because he was from Arican and he went home for a visit and married a woman there. My daughter found out and by loooking in his briefcase. I confronted him with what we had found and he got mad. We parted and divorced. I believe that I should not have been married the second time and by marrying led to all these problems in our relationship. Now I blame myself for getting married and asked God for forgiveness for getting married and committing adultury. I need love and now think I will never be able to find love again because God will be not forgive mfe beccause I will be committing adultury again. I do not wwant to committe adultery so will I have to be alonfe forever? I am aborn again chistian. I have been married t and divorced becuse of abuse by my husband. I remarried and stayed with the gentkleman 10 yeaars, but there was always problems with my children not liking him. He would in turn blame me about there behavior. In some instances they were correct because he was from Arican and he went home for a visit and married a woman there. My daughter found out and by loooking in his briefcase. I confronted him with what we had found and he got mad. We parted and divorced. I believe that I should not have been married the second time and by marrying led to all these problems in our relationship. Now I blame myself for getting married and asked God for forgiveness for getting married and committing adultury. I need love and now think I will never be able to find love again because God will be not forgive mfe beccause I will be committing adultury again. I do not wwant to committe adultery so will I have to be alonfe forever?

]]> By: raeart http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224&cpage=1#comment-1294 raeart Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:23:59 +0000 http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224#comment-1294 I am recently single again after 2 divorces. The fist produced two wonderful children who are in their 40's now and the 2nd produced two children in their 30's. I left my 2nd husband after 33 years of marriage. I am a Christian and have been for over 30 years so I wanted my marriage to last. My ex abused alcohol and verbally and emotionally abused me all during that time. I wasn't good enough, everything bad that happened was my fault, we didn't have enough money and that was my fault. I have broad shoulders but enough is enough. It broke my heart to have to end the marriage but I am so much better off for it. My children supported me now and then. They are wonderful. I have no desire to date as of right now and I know I am NOT going to get into a sexual relationship with anyone prior to marriage. Maybe God wants me to remain single so that's where I am right now. Maybe some day but right now, no. God bless Chip. I love your broadcasts and your emails. I am recently single again after 2 divorces. The fist produced two wonderful children who are in their 40′s now and the 2nd produced two children in their 30′s. I left my 2nd husband after 33 years of marriage. I am a Christian and have been for over 30 years so I wanted my marriage to last. My ex abused alcohol and verbally and emotionally abused me all during that time. I wasn’t good enough, everything bad that happened was my fault, we didn’t have enough money and that was my fault. I have broad shoulders but enough is enough. It broke my heart to have to end the marriage but I am so much better off for it. My children supported me now and then. They are wonderful. I have no desire to date as of right now and I know I am NOT going to get into a sexual relationship with anyone prior to marriage. Maybe God wants me to remain single so that’s where I am right now. Maybe some day but right now, no. God bless Chip. I love your broadcasts and your emails.

]]> By: Sojourner http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224&cpage=1#comment-1289 Sojourner Sun, 08 Nov 2009 02:10:54 +0000 http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224#comment-1289 Hey Chip....all I can say is thank you for being used by our Father in Heaven. I'm a 37 year old single father of two incredible daughters. I am striving everyday to teach them to become women of Faith, Integrity and Virtue. I've never been on this blog site before nor did I realize that you were broadcasting your series on Singleness this week....however...the Lord has aligned our focus...last night I launched a Bible study at my home and we are using your study on Singleness Blessing or Curse....the Lord truly moved through the evening as we all opened up and had incredible sharing.... I know that our Father was honored. Thank you for all of the tools and resources that I am armed with now as I continue to find my place in His ministry and where I can be used for His Glory. If any one lives in NC and would like to join us for upcoming events you can check out this link at www.meetup.com/triads-single-christian-adventurers-and-social-group Living Pure and walking with our Lord is the only way.... I consider it an honor and blessing to run along side each and every one you. Stay strong and keep the Faith....:)) Through Christ, Chad Hey Chip….all I can say is thank you for being used by our Father in Heaven. I’m a 37 year old single father of two incredible daughters. I am striving everyday to teach them to become women of Faith, Integrity and Virtue. I’ve never been on this blog site before nor did I realize that you were broadcasting your series on Singleness this week….however…the Lord has aligned our focus…last night I launched a Bible study at my home and we are using your study on Singleness Blessing or Curse….the Lord truly moved through the evening as we all opened up and had incredible sharing…. I know that our Father was honored. Thank you for all of the tools and resources that I am armed with now as I continue to find my place in His ministry and where I can be used for His Glory. If any one lives in NC and would like to join us for upcoming events you can check out this link at

http://www.meetup.com/triads-single-christian-adventurers-and-social-group

Living Pure and walking with our Lord is the only way…. I consider it an honor and blessing to run along side each and every one you. Stay strong and keep the Faith….:))
Through Christ,
Chad

]]> By: Jay D. http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224&cpage=1#comment-1284 Jay D. Sat, 31 Oct 2009 23:26:48 +0000 http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224#comment-1284 52 male, divorced 11 yrs from a marriage of 11 yrs. Lust destroyed my marriage and has only receded gradually from my life. All the same singleness is a blessing to me. (It is a far greater blessing to the lady who is not in a relationship with me) Chip, be careful with this thread. I have seen to many programs like this turn into "Springerism", one of the reasons I won't go into details. Suffice it to say I have more than I can handle messing up my own life. Why would I want the added obligation of messing up some one elses? <3JD 52 male, divorced 11 yrs from a marriage of 11 yrs.
Lust destroyed my marriage and has only receded gradually from my life. All the same singleness is a blessing to me. (It is a far greater blessing to the lady who is not in a relationship with me)
Chip, be careful with this thread. I have seen to many programs like this turn into “Springerism”, one of the reasons I won’t go into details.
Suffice it to say I have more than I can handle messing up my own life. Why would I want the added obligation of messing up some one elses?
<3JD

]]> By: Constance http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224&cpage=1#comment-1272 Constance Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:48:36 +0000 http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224#comment-1272 To Tiffany (post on Oct. 20, 2009): Wow! You sound a lot like me. I can completely relate. And, we are only one year apart in age too. If you would like to have an online friend, please visit my blog and let me know by leaving me a comment. My blog address is: http://words-of-encouragement4u.blogspot.com Thanks and God Bless! Constance To Tiffany (post on Oct. 20, 2009):

Wow! You sound a lot like me. I can completely relate. And, we are only one year apart in age too.

If you would like to have an online friend, please visit my blog and let me know by leaving me a comment.

My blog address is:
http://words-of-encouragement4u.blogspot.com

Thanks and God Bless!

Constance

]]> By: Trubadour http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224&cpage=1#comment-1260 Trubadour Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:35:01 +0000 http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224#comment-1260 In Response to AMY who posted on 10/20. I am a 43 yr. old male who has had a nearly identical experience to you. I am so glad you are closer to the Lord than you have ever been. Dating presents many challanges, not the least of which is the call to honor the Lord (& our partner) with our bodies. I have had to have many discussions with dates where it was necsesarry to gently set forth the vision of purity that God has givin me for building an enduring romance & to do so without giving any impression that I was rejecting them. (a word of advice to anyone else reading this; the more physically affirming you've been, the more difficult it becomes to reset healthy boundarys) I'm glad that you have recognised that it was a lie that no one would want to honor purity (both yours & their own) in a dating relationship. The place for our hope then begins to rest fully upon the Lord to lead us toward the one He has been preparing for us. With so many discouraging experiences & such a strong pull from our own flesh, we can become withdrawn & resistant to seeing the Lords hand in guiding us toward that one He has for us. We must be open to recieving from the Lord all that He has for us, including an exiting whirlwind of romance. I always tell those who seek my counsel about building relationships that while they cannot force them to develop, they can certinally block them from even having a chance to start. It's important that we accept the responsibility for our own lonliness. It's easy to blame God or our circumstances for it, but we should be fully engaged with the Lord by allowing Him to develop within us the treasure that He will eventually give to another in an answer to their prayers. Dont you want to be the answer to someone elses prayers? I do! I caution you not to settle. Satan will always offer a substitute for Gods best for us when he cant draw us off course directly. Above all, trust God that the time He asks us to wait isn't meaningless. He wants to redeem it, but our participation in our sanctification as He prepares us for the blessings He wants to give us is essential. Many of us miss out on the blessings He has prepared for us because of a focus on our ourselves. We think we should have more than we do. That attitude will never position us to recieve from God. He wants to give us blessings (including a spouse) but will withold whatever we are not prepared to recieve in gratitude. In closing, there is a great book on all of this by Eric & Leslie Ludy called "When God writes your Love Story". I promise that you will be blessed if you read it. In Response to AMY who posted on 10/20.
I am a 43 yr. old male who has had a nearly identical experience to you. I am so glad you are closer to the Lord than you have ever been. Dating presents many challanges, not the least of which is the call to honor the Lord (& our partner) with our bodies. I have had to have many discussions with dates where it was necsesarry to gently set forth the vision of purity that God has givin me for building an enduring romance & to do so without giving any impression that I was rejecting them. (a word of advice to anyone else reading this; the more physically affirming you’ve been, the more difficult it becomes to reset healthy boundarys)
I’m glad that you have recognised that it was a lie that no one would want to honor purity (both yours & their own) in a dating relationship. The place for our hope then begins to rest fully upon the Lord to lead us toward the one He has been preparing for us. With so many discouraging experiences & such a strong pull from our own flesh, we can become withdrawn & resistant to seeing the Lords hand in guiding us toward that one He has for us. We must be open to recieving from the Lord all that He has for us, including an exiting whirlwind of romance. I always tell those who seek my counsel about building relationships that while they cannot force them to develop, they can certinally block them from even having a chance to start. It’s important that we accept the responsibility for our own lonliness. It’s easy to blame God or our circumstances for it, but we should be fully engaged with the Lord by allowing Him to develop within us the treasure that He will eventually give to another in an answer to their prayers. Dont you want to be the answer to someone elses prayers? I do! I caution you not to settle. Satan will always offer a substitute for Gods best for us when he cant draw us off course directly. Above all, trust God that the time He asks us to wait isn’t meaningless. He wants to redeem it, but our participation in our sanctification as He prepares us for the blessings He wants to give us is essential. Many of us miss out on the blessings He has prepared for us because of a focus on our ourselves. We think we should have more than we do. That attitude will never position us to recieve from God. He wants to give us blessings (including a spouse) but will withold whatever we are not prepared to recieve in gratitude.
In closing, there is a great book on all of this by Eric & Leslie Ludy called “When God writes your Love Story”. I promise that you will be blessed if you read it.

]]> By: Al http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224&cpage=1#comment-1258 Al Tue, 20 Oct 2009 22:10:36 +0000 http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224#comment-1258 Hi, I liked your teaching and I entirely agree with what you said. I'm a female in her late 20s, and has never been in a serious relationship. I think of myself as a person who knows how to hear God and follows it. So, I have been waiting for the God's man and I believe God will let me know when he turns up. In the meantime, I've always been devoted to God's work since I got saved 7 years ago. And I know what kind of man I want. However, there's something I can't handle in my singleness: falling in love with guys who are not interested in having a relationship with me. It's been happening again and again. All of them are single Christians, of course. I wouldn't pay attention to non-Christians. And all of them love to be my best friends but nothing else. It is like a pattern. Each time I promise myself not to do this again. Doesn't work. Each time I give what's best of me and each time I end up feeling 'trampled'. I have a few male very good friends, although, and it is pure friendship, so I don't fall in love with any guy :) I just feel I have so much to give, I have to give it to someone. I know I have been created to be a helper, sustainer, etc. and it gives me fullfillment. This is my biggest struggle in being single; the desire to live for someone, one person. Am I the only one who struggles with falling in love and it's never reciprocal? I read somewhere it's quite normal for single women but noone said how can one deal with it. I really want my heart and mind to be at peace at last. Hi,
I liked your teaching and I entirely agree with what you said. I’m a female in her late 20s, and has never been in a serious relationship. I think of myself as a person who knows how to hear God and follows it. So, I have been waiting for the God’s man and I believe God will let me know when he turns up. In the meantime, I’ve always been devoted to God’s work since I got saved 7 years ago. And I know what kind of man I want. However, there’s something I can’t handle in my singleness: falling in love with guys who are not interested in having a relationship with me. It’s been happening again and again. All of them are single Christians, of course. I wouldn’t pay attention to non-Christians. And all of them love to be my best friends but nothing else. It is like a pattern. Each time I promise myself not to do this again. Doesn’t work. Each time I give what’s best of me and each time I end up feeling ‘trampled’. I have a few male very good friends, although, and it is pure friendship, so I don’t fall in love with any guy :) I just feel I have so much to give, I have to give it to someone. I know I have been created to be a helper, sustainer, etc. and it gives me fullfillment. This is my biggest struggle in being single; the desire to live for someone, one person.
Am I the only one who struggles with falling in love and it’s never reciprocal? I read somewhere it’s quite normal for single women but noone said how can one deal with it. I really want my heart and mind to be at peace at last.

]]> By: Tiffany http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224&cpage=1#comment-1257 Tiffany Tue, 20 Oct 2009 19:34:12 +0000 http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224#comment-1257 Wow. I just read a few people's comments, and it is such a comfort to know that I'm not the only one going through this. I am twenty-seven, never had a boyfriend, been on a date, etc. For the most part I am content with my life. However, I do think about growing old alone, and the people in my life seem to have a hard time accepting me as I am. The can't understand why I don't date, why I don't want to date, or why I am not worried about finding a man in my life. I've had people ask me if I am gay, I am not, and a million other silly questions. It simply isn't important to me. I don't feel that it is an issue worthy of all my time. I figure if God wants me to find a man, He will send him to me, and if it is "the one," I won't dismiss him as I have all the others. All the guys I have met so far, are only interested in things I am not or don't feel are right. Maybe I am wrong, but so far, this theory is working for me. Wow. I just read a few people’s comments, and it is such a comfort to know that I’m not the only one going through this. I am twenty-seven, never had a boyfriend, been on a date, etc. For the most part I am content with my life. However, I do think about growing old alone, and the people in my life seem to have a hard time accepting me as I am. The can’t understand why I don’t date, why I don’t want to date, or why I am not worried about finding a man in my life. I’ve had people ask me if I am gay, I am not, and a million other silly questions. It simply isn’t important to me. I don’t feel that it is an issue worthy of all my time. I figure if God wants me to find a man, He will send him to me, and if it is “the one,” I won’t dismiss him as I have all the others. All the guys I have met so far, are only interested in things I am not or don’t feel are right. Maybe I am wrong, but so far, this theory is working for me.

]]> By: Amy http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224&cpage=1#comment-1256 Amy Tue, 20 Oct 2009 19:15:24 +0000 http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224#comment-1256 Chip Thank you for asking. I am a 41 year old divorced woman with 2 teenagers. I was married for 17 years and divorced for 3 1/2. The greatest struggle I have is the loneliness. After the divorce, I bought into the lie that nobody would want to date if it wasnt physical. God kept calling me back to him telling me there was a better way. I tried dating sites and when that didnt work, I looked for singles groups. The closest one is one hour from my home and for 20-30 somethings. About a year ago, I dated someone who was a Christian and I thought he would understand my need to stay pure and do it Gods way this time. He did not that is when I totally gave it to God. I started chatting on christian sites for friendships and that has been my saving grace. I have found comfort in friendships. I am closer to God then I have ever been. Chip

Thank you for asking. I am a 41 year old divorced woman with 2 teenagers. I was married for 17 years and divorced for 3 1/2. The greatest struggle I have is the loneliness. After the divorce, I bought into the lie that nobody would want to date if it wasnt physical. God kept calling me back to him telling me there was a better way. I tried dating sites and when that didnt work, I looked for singles groups. The closest one is one hour from my home and for 20-30 somethings.

About a year ago, I dated someone who was a Christian and I thought he would understand my need to stay pure and do it Gods way this time. He did not that is when I totally gave it to God.

I started chatting on christian sites for friendships and that has been my saving grace. I have found comfort in friendships. I am closer to God then I have ever been.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224&cpage=1#comment-1245 Anonymous Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:07:34 +0000 http://www.lotemedia.com/blog/?p=224#comment-1245 To MRN Thank you so much for your post. I can relate so much to your situation. I am 47 and have been divorced since 1998. I tried dating some and each time a relationship failed I felt like a failure. The fact that my ex remarried after one year adds to that. My church family always loved me and invited me to their homes and I was involved in ministry. But that doesn't relieve the longing have someone to share with and talk to at the end of the day. I am blessed with a couple of married friends that do not have jealousy issues, but I have experienced this from a few others and it was not nice. My friends are good listeners but they really can't understand what its like to be single at this age. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one of my species left and there is just no one out there I can really relate to. Knowing I am not the only one struggling with this issue helps. I too like some aspects about being single. But I still feel like I am marking time till that perfect special person comes into my life. I don't think that is how God wants me to live. So like everyone else I ask : How do singles ( of all ages) get out there and connect with others and live a full and vibrant God centered life. To MRN

Thank you so much for your post. I can relate so much to your situation. I am 47 and have been divorced since 1998. I tried dating some and each time a relationship failed I felt like a failure. The fact that my ex remarried after one year adds to that. My church family always loved me and invited me to their homes and I was involved in ministry. But that doesn’t relieve the longing have someone to share with and talk to at the end of the day. I am blessed with a couple of married friends that do not have jealousy issues, but I have experienced this from a few others and it was not nice. My friends are good listeners but they really can’t understand what its like to be single at this age. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one of my species left and there is just no one out there I can really relate to. Knowing I am not the only one struggling with this issue helps.
I too like some aspects about being single. But I still feel like I am marking time till that perfect special person comes into my life. I don’t think that is how God wants me to live. So like everyone else I ask : How do singles ( of all ages) get out there and connect with others and live a full and vibrant God centered life.

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