July 28, 2009

Finding Hope When You’re in a Difficult Marriage

  “I simply can’t believe it! How can Theresa say she loves me, and treat me like this?”

Those were the feelings that ran through my mind multiple times a week in the first two years of our marriage. We didn’t know how to communicate, we didn’t know how to express anger, and we didn’t know how to get it resolved. I loved her with all my heart, and yet felt frustrated, hurt, and wounded a great deal of the time.

Some people have very few problems in their marriage; I just don’t know many of them. In my experience, marriage has been the most awesome relationship in my life, but also the most difficult.

One of my greatest problems has been expecting my wife to meet all the needs in my life. My expectations and unconscious demands have brought severe disappointment, and even anger. In a difficult marriage, the one thing I’ve learned is that I need to have God’s perspective of my mate, myself, and most of all, of Him. Until I recognize that God, and God alone, can meet my deepest needs, I am not in a position to be a giver to, and a lover of, my mate, and that’s the key to a great marriage.

Psalms 62:1-12

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. How long will you assault a man? Would all of you throw him down, this leaning wall, this tottering fence? They fully intend to topple him from his lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Selah

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah

Lowborn men are but a breath, the highborn are but a lie; if weighed on a balance, they are nothing; together they are only a breath. Do not trust in extortion or take pride in stolen goods; though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them. One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done.

 

1 Peter 3:7

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

 

Ephesians 5:22-23

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

 

James 1:12

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

 

A Prayer for When You’re in a Difficult Marriage

“Father, help me to remember that You, and You alone, can satisfy the deepest needs of my heart. Grant me the grace to focus on me becoming the person You want me to become, rather than on the areas of my mate’s life that need to be improved. Oh God, so fill me with Your grace, and sense of Your unconditional love, that I can learn to be a “giver” in my marriage, rather than an “expecter.” Transform me, and give me endurance, even in the midst of my pain. Help me to stay true to You, and to the vow that I’ve made, in Christ’s name.”

Keep Pressin’ Ahead,

Chip