shalenv   on September 23rd, 2009

Chip I too am divorced and have been for the past 11 years and am currently single and not in a relationship. I have had many sexual partners in the past but after reading Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships and lots and lots of prayer I have made the vow of purity and chastity. It is hard living in a world that is so sex saturated but I am wanting God’s reward for staying pure. I know it may be years before I remarry but I believe this journey will be an opportunity to also share with my friends and others who are currently single and are not pure and having sexual relations before marriage. I am a single mother of 2 boys ages 14 and 13 and also want to share my beliefs and God’s demand on sexual purity with them and give them the support that virgins need to remain pure until marriage. I am prasing the Lord for my singleness and purity because now I have the opportunity to become closer to Him and deepen my relationship with Him and develop convictions and line out the “I am not going to do this (insert here) to remain pure and have pure thoughts.” I do want to thank you Chip for bringing His message to me and giving me the materials and teachings I needed to become pure and a born again virgin. I have the book, the audio book, and the 5 cd series on Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships and am currently sharing your cd with another Christian and friend of mine. He too has made the vow and together we will help each other through our journey. I am 33 yrs old a single mother of 2 boys and am proud to say “I am remaining pure until marriage and have taken a vow of chastity and look forward to the day the Lord will reward me for my purity”

nettaj1   on September 23rd, 2009

Hi Chip! It’s divine intervention that I heard your broadcast this morning. I have been in a relationship for 4 years and have decided that I need to get back in touch with my first love “God”. The gentleman that I have been seeing has recently given his life to Christ and has joined the church that I have belonged to since 1996. Being that he is a babe in Christ I’m taking the lead to discontinue our sexual relationship. I’m already seeing a change in our relationship due to this. I’m unsure if I want to marry him and want God’s guidance on this decision. I have been married twice and divorced twice. I don’t want to make another commitment such as that without fully reviewing why I’m getting married. I don’t want marriage to be decided due to sex! I’m 43 years of age and a mother of 4 (3 at home and one in the service). My little ones are 5 and 9 (boys) of which I would want the person I marry to be able to lead them in the direction that they should go as youngmen into manhood. With this in mind, I want the man that God blesses me with to be a man who allows God to lead him and one who knows how to lead according to God’s standards. I’ve had many heartbreaks including with this existing relationship and I find it hard to move past the past. Therefore, I’m wondering if this person is the person for me. So, I’m leaning on God to show me the direction that I should go. We are going to visit our pastor to discuss the current issues that we/I/he may have as it pertains to our relationship. It is just a blessing to me to have heard your message prior to this meeting and I will be purchasing Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships and will use it as a guide to understanding what God wants for me.

spoken4   on September 23rd, 2009

I loved your teaching on Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships. I know it will help me and other single women and young girls know the value we hold in God’s heart. To cherise our purity.
I am a 44 year old woman, never been married, no children. I have lived a sexually impure life, up to giving my life to Christ 4 years ago.
Two things in your message today spoke to my heart. The first is that singleness is a gift. Whenever I would read Paul’s words on singleness I would cringe, but today it is a gift in my life. A couple months ago a girlfriend asked me to write an article on being the face of singleness for her online newsletter. I baulked. I told God in no way did I want to be the face of singleness. By the end of the week I had surrendered to God’s plan. This article was written through tears and struggle and fears of being judged. I had to face my anger, frustration, and resentment at God for not bringing anyone into my life. Thankfully through prayer and God’s word I got through the article and today by His grace and love find myself reconciled to my singleness and love my life with my forever Prince.
The second item is the list of do’s and don’t’s to the well meaning married couples in a single persons life. Tears welled up in my heart. I have gotten text messages with a list of single men at church asking me if I was interested in any of them (none of them have asked me on a date). Or being “set-up” at a small group gathering without agreeing to it. Or just the simple fact of someone telling me “God had someone for you” – my response to this is “you don’t know that and neither do I.” I have been the only single person at dinner with 3 or more couples. My girlfriends husbands want to find me a husband. I have been left out of get togethers spurred by the “men” in the relationship bonding. My church doesn’t have any “single” activities or groups unless you count Divorce Care. Friends wonder why I don’t want to go to the Valentines Dinner and I wonder why they would think I want to. My suggestion to everyone who has ever said or done any of the items on your list, as well meaning and out of love is to please STOP. Accept us as we are. God knows we are doing our best to do the same.
Thanks Chip! Looking forward to another lesson in God’s word.

Constance   on September 23rd, 2009

Hi Chip!
I am so glad that I heard your program today! I try to tune in everyday, but don’t always get the chance. This is a wonderful series you are doing and it comes at the right time for me – and I would imagine others as well.

I am 26 years old, never been married, never been kissed, never been on a date…you get the picture. I have tried – with God’s help – to remain pure for the man I will one day marry – if God isn’t calling me to singleness and I so hope He isn’t. BTW, I wish you had a single son just like you – a Christian man on fire for God!

To finally answer your question, the greatest challenge I face as a single person is myself. Sure, I deal with people (family, friends, co-workers, and others) who can’t seem to wrap their minds around me not wanting to date, have sex outside of marriage, drink, go partying, etc.

In fact, they find it so strange that they do their best to try and push me into going out with just any guy. I’ve even been asked by someone if I was gay; because, she couldn’t figure out why a girl my age would be so content to not have sex, or be dating.

It is only GOD that has gotten me this far in life without giving into temptations like others I know. The reason “I” am the greatest challenge to myself is because of the following 2 things: thoughts and hormones.

The mind is truly a battlefield and I have just recently (within the past couple of months) learned how to fully control my thoughts. One of the bible verses I pray everyday and sometimes have to repeat once a thought creeps into my mind is Psalm 19:14 “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.”
I usually add “and mind” after “heart”.

Repeating this verse during a moment of weakness helps remind me that God knows everything I am thinking even before I think it, so I then try to take each thought captive and get rid of it.

One way that has helped cut down on how many thoughts I have to battle with has been to cut out the things that bring these kind of sexual thoughts into my mind to begin with. For example, I don’t watch movies, or read books with any sex scenes. Sometimes I can’t even watch one with just kissing in it, or I will start thinking about it, which will then fire up my hormones.

Another way that has helped me has been to not date, or rather be left alone with the opposite sex. Instead, courtships are okay or group settings. I also don’t hold hands, etc. because physical touch with a guy sets my hormones off – even if it is just holding hands.

Speaking of hormones, which was the second thing I mentioned. Our own body works against us sometimes. I have been like the Apostle Paul and had to beat myself (figuratively speaking) into submission sometimes. My physician (who isn’t a Christian) told I would either need to get married, give into my bodies needs outside of marriage, or go on the pill (a really low dose of birth control) in order to regulate my hormones.

Well, as you can tell I could say more on the subject and would be glad to do so if you wanted, or ever needed a speaker on your program.
Thanks for letting God speak through you to help educate and encourage us! God Bless!

Constance
http://words-of-encouragement4u.blogspot.com

Constance   on September 23rd, 2009

P.S. I haven’t taken my physicians advice nor would I on this matter. Birth control is definitely out of the question for me.

Amy   on September 23rd, 2009

Hey, Chip. Thanks for this series. God wanted me to hear it this morning.

You ask what’s the hardest thing about being single? Being single.

I’m 32, never been married, and I struggle with my desire and my seemingly slap in His face of “I’m sorry LORD, but I want more.” You know what I’m saying? Yes, God is all I need, but I wrestle with this on a daily basis. Especially since the christian community is so family oriented, as it should be, but you understand. It’s just hard.

How do you deal with the longing? I’m someone who is involved in community, has a life, a house, a terrific job (am a teacher), but it’s as if something’s still missing.

Yes, God gives the desires of your heart, but is my desire environment bread or natural?

Confusing it is.

I’m purchasing your series this week, and I’m on my knees, seeking HIs face.

Rebekah   on September 24th, 2009

Hi Chip, I don’t know how strange this will sound but I’m 27 yrs old never been married never had a boyfriend etc… I still live with my dad I lost my mother 3 years ago to cancer after an 8 and a half year battle… I did not go to college nor do I currently have a job other than going to my Grandma’s once a week or so to take her shopping and so on.. anyway part of the fact that I don’t have a job is my doing I tend to be a bit lazy. I’ve been a christian for 5 years even though I was brought up in the church of now which I am a member, I lead worship on sunday mornings with another lady and I’m also a Deaconess not to mention I do the bulletins. It pretty much keeps me busy and I really do want God’s will in my life.. this has been a frequent prayer of mine and I really struggle with the fact that in the mean time till I figure this out I feel I should be working or something given a few hints by family (My Dad and my Sister) have told me as much but I get caught up in how I’d fit in everything else during the day.. despite what I listed above I have a ton of time on my hands but I’m a bit “shy” in the fact of speaking or getting my words out straight in talking to others about sharing my faith. Romans 8:28 is a verse I often think about “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.” It’s hard to think obout that when you a loved one or this or that happens but deep down I know that it is all in His plans. I’m really gonna try to catch this whole series wherever I’m at as sometimes I forget or got side tracked what I’ve heard so far is awesome and I hope I glean a lot from it. I don’t really leave comments so I hope you can understand this and my thoughts haven’t been too jumbled in typing this out… May God Bless you and your ministry
Rebekah

Rebekah   on September 24th, 2009

I was gonna mention also that I’m also one that loves the peace and quiet and the freedom so right now I so to speak I love being single and told myself that I’d like to remain so this would stem from the fact that in school I literally had an Afro and the boys called me and teased me about that constantly so boys have been on my off list for a long time and I just never got into the way of looking of Course I’ll be open if God has other plans…I also have 2 other ladies both older than I who are also single and we do see each other every sunday and once in a while a couple of us get together for lunch or whatever and the church I attend the people have pretty much watched me grow up so they’re pretty much family this has been a help being with them when I can (wednesdays and sundays). Thanks once again for this current series

Amy (2)   on September 25th, 2009

I have been married for just over a year. I am 41 & this is my first marriage (my husband’s 2nd). I understand how hard it is to be a Christian & single. As far as the church is concerned, Singles (especially those with no children) do not exist. It seems like in the church, singles get whatever is left over at the end of budgeting.

the big issues for me, when I was single: longing, desire, peer pressure re: sex, wanting to be loved, desired, wanted & valued.

I know that God is everything & provides everything, but when you are going to bed alone again & you’ve had a hard day & you really need a hug or snuggle (not sex), sometimes He is not quite enough…Even though we are told that He is, which is a whole other sermon series…

Thank you so much for recognizing the needs that singles have. I gain so much Spiritual growth & insight from your teachings.

I have just started the Love Sex, & Lasting Relationships series with an 18 year old girl I am mentoring. i did the series just before I met my husband & put your teachings into practice.

tgwdmd   on September 26th, 2009

Hi Chip,

I was married for 20 years to a man who was violent and verbally abusive- also, he would have strange hallucinations and constantly false accuse me of bazaar things. Once I learned that he had a mental disorder, just before losing my own mind, I was able to take the three children and separate from him. As a Christian, I had a strong conviction that divorce was wrong, no matter what- unfortunately, this is just not true. I just want to comment on the fact that so many marriage relationships are just not what they should be- and most people aren’t married to a man like the one I married. Marriage has so many challenges- I am thoroughly enjoying being singe in the respect that I can finally have choices that I didn’t have for so long. I, personally, do not struggle with strong sexual desires. I can’t believe that everybody does- Sure, I would love to be cherished, desired and valued- but how many people really have a relationship like that for very long? I am not convinced that I have a Biblical right to get remarried (according to Paul). Also, I believe that marriage at my age is a trade-off- you are trading one set of problems and frustrations for another. Maybe I am being too negative due to my own experience, but I do feel that marriage is over-rated, and that single people can be just as content, if not more so, as those who are married. Life is so much more simple. God has given me peace in this state, and I don’t intend to mess it up if I can help it!

Jake   on September 28th, 2009

Hey Chip,
I am single, 34, male, Christian, and am glad to see I am not alone in my singleness. I do enjoy being single, I can do whatever I like within Biblical parameters of course, but I do look forward to getting married. Majority of my friends have married already and its interesting to see how they operate their marriage. Some I’d like to emulate, others not. I do have friends who do say I would be a great catch, but to me there isn’t many to choose from. Is this a narrow viewpoint?

Sharing this is tough somewhat, but I am glad you are discussing singleness. I enjoy being on my own, yet other times, I have would’ve liked to experience events, meals, movies, vacations, places with a woman as a friend, but haven’t because there isn’t one to share them with so I either didnt see the movie, ate at home, or didn’t take the trip. I’ve done SO MANY things on my own (not alone, with God)that its getting to the point of why try. It is getting old doing things on my own/by myself/alone…

Singleness I would have to say 60percent blessing and 40percent curse. Yet in the meantime I won’t grumble or complain, life is pretty good, but I look forward to it getting better.

Can anyone out there relate or reply to this?

Cinders   on September 28th, 2009

Being single seems to be misunderstood by many people within the church…
Its often said that ‘God is enough’ which adds guilt to desparate feelings of loneliness and inadequecy…
I am 41 and single and always have been (but not wanted to be). Its hard to see those who are close to you ‘leave and cleve’ resulting in more aloneness and isolation…
Being rejected also adds to the pain…..
Yes God is enough but even in Eden when it was only Adam and God in Paradise he said it was not good for man to be alone…
I have prayed and prayed, surrendered and submitted and then received critism for not doing it properly because I still feel I want to be married…
The future looks bleak to be honest…and I cling onto God…
He is ultimately my only hope.
THANK YOU for addressing this really important subject that is frequently ignored….
With gratefulness xxx

kim   on September 29th, 2009

Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom with us, Chip. It is tough being single when our society so driven by what we have. It overlaps into our “love life.” Being one of the have-nots in this situation, I struggle, much like all other singles, to be content in what I do have. God’s blessed me beyond anything I would dare ask. I’ve been able to travel, give countless hours to children’s ministry, and done so many fun and wonderful things that many of my married friends could not pull away to do.
After hearing your message the other night, I really thanked God for the first time for my singleness. Instead of counting it a blessing, I had honestly felt cursed.
To answer your question about what is most difficult, I would say I struggle most with feeling rejected and unaccepted. Sometimes being single feels so lonely. Even though I’m completely surrounded by family and friends receiving an abundance of love, I still feel unloved at times. I know that this is only Satan trying to get under my skin, but it’s still hard to overcome.
My sisters, one older and one younger, were both married at 20. Even though they accept the singleness and do not make a big deal, I almost feel like I’m so behind.
The other thing that I really struggle with is the fact that I want so badly to have children. I fight the feelings all the time that I’ll never get to experience the joys of being a parent.
Again, thank you for sharing your experiences to shed light and make others’ more bearable.

Blueoriontiger   on September 29th, 2009

Dear Chip,

I’m a 23 year old recent graduate out of a small community college in Tennessee. My life seems to have hit a wall and I feel that I’m in a mess, but for other reasons, namely relationships with other people, questioning my capacity and capability to love another person one-on-one, my life’s purpose, isolation and loneliness. I heard a snippet of your radio broadcast last week while riding with my parents in the car, and located your site last night. I’ve listened to most of the Sex and Singleness and working on the other portion of it since last night.

It has all been very insightful to some degree, but I’m lacking answers to many questions I still have. God says its okay to be single, but what about being alone? Why does it seem hard to just be “friends” with the opposite gender? Why do certain churches seem to not “support” singles?

Up to now, I’ve felt weird for not doing immoral things that other people did when I was at college, and have always been an outcast for my belief. Your radio programs have confused me a little, but in the most light, confirmed and gave me hope that I’ve doing the right thing. I thank you for the ministry you’ve been doing, as I look for the other answers in my life and hope to get it solved soon…

Israel   on September 29th, 2009

Hello Chip. I have been blessed by your Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships book. I do want God’s will in my life especially in the case of the companionship department. I call it the “missing rib effect”. Like Amy, I too feel that although God is supposed to be more than enough to satisfy all are needs or at least keeps the wants to a still, I too feel that I need something more. I am 30 years old with no family of my own and like many in my age group and condition, we suffer the pain of longing and loneliness. I feel that the church as a whole have neglected us for a long time. I feel guilty that God’s presence is not enough or being more involved in the Word doesn’t take away from lonely nights and mornings of not having someone share life with. I have traveled to many places around the world (in the military) and have suffered too many heartbreaks and disappointments to want to continue the hope of ever being loved. As a man, its embarrassing to admit these things however I know many other men and women feel my pain. I confess that being a single is a blessing, however lately for some reason, it’s a curse. I even wondered if God was jealous that I might love my wife more than Him and He has kept me single for that reason. But that’s just my ache speaking. I always viewed my relationship with my girlfriend/wife to be another testimony of God’s love and generous expression of His care for me. To have a companionship of sharing God and seeing His reflection on my wife beautiful face is for me the greatest romance. I hope your “Singleness” series can at least give me some guidance my hope and faith in this area is withering fast and I am forgetting how to hold to His grace. Let’s be real here, there is only so much you can take and it so sad to me to know so many people around me that suffer this and they just want to me loved like everyone else. God bless you all.

joann   on October 2nd, 2009

God made us like Him. We are relationship driven people. The hardest part of being single is accepting the paradoxical nature of it. We’re created to love another but yet there are times that God tells people no, I want you single. But, yet, Paul says if you can’t be single w/o sinning it would be better for you to marry. So for those of us who do want to marry, why does God say, “no”? He’s the One who put the desire in our hearts, then why does He not fulfil it?

cer327   on October 6th, 2009

The hardest thing about being single after divorce is loneliness. I have dealt with this in both positive & negative ways. The sexual urge leads to dating and sometimes things happen between people. Relationships are hard to sustain & permanency is difficult due to economics and the children of the previous marriage. Being single and Christian is one of the hardest things a person can be asked to do. It is hell sometimes but being in a bad relationship can be worse. So you strive to date more objectively and keep your eyes on the prize.

Constance   on October 6th, 2009

To blueoriontiger, Israel, and Joann:

From one single christian to another…I feel your pain. Your questions are valid, but one thing I have learned about God is that – well just that, He is God.

We are not always going to understand Him. We can’t even think like Him, which He tells us in Isaiah 55:8-9: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (KJV).

Please note, that I only want to help encourage you all to continue to wait upon the Lord. Don’t allow satan to discourage you, or get you side tracked from doing what we are first and foremost here to do, which is reach others for salvation.

It is hard. I’ve been down the same road…wait a minute, what am I talking about I am still on the same road. LOL So we are all in this boat together.

Don’t let satan win. Don’t let him get you so focused on the flesh and having your personal needs met that you neglect the things of God. The mind is truly a battlefield and every day we need to put on the armor of God; because, every day we wake up to a battle.

Take a look at Ephesians 6:13-17. This passage of scripture is about putting on the armor of God.
Dr. Charles Stanley just put out his free “In Touch” magazine (October issue). To sign up go to his web site at http://www.intouch.org

In this particular issue, he talks about God’s armor. “To win a war, you must know you’re in one. Every morning when you and I wake up, we are at war. Many believers simply fail to take this reality seriously. When we talk about spiritual warfare, however, we must remember that each day, we live in the midst of a real, personal battle that we must fight. Failure to recognize this vital truth results in painful defeat time and again. Dedicated Christians feel confused and downtrodden because they don’t understand why they continue to experience failures in their spiritual lives. Just when they think they have something conquered, it rises back up to defeat them” (Dr. Charles Stanley).

He even tells how he prays on God’s armor every morning when he wakes.
1.) “Lord, I choose to put on the helmet of salvation today in order to protect my mind. I want to think only Your thoughts, Lord. I want to thank You that when satan sends one of his thoughts my way, this helmet of salvation will protect my thinking.”

2.) “Lord, I choose to put on the breastplate of righteousness to guard my emotions. I want to feel only what You feel. Don’t let me react out of my emotions. Rather, let me respond based on the truth I know in my mind.”

3.) “Lord. I choose to fasten on truth so I can stay centered on Your Word. I want to live in the truth, walk in the truth, and testify to the truth.”

4.) “Lord, I choose to put on the sandals of peace. Wherever I go today, I want to be a peacemaker. I want my footprints to be evidence of the tranquility I carry in the Holy Spirit.”

5.) “Lord, I choose to take up the shield of faith. I want to thank You that, no matter how many fiery arrows the Enemy hurls at me today, no matter how many trials or temptations may come, I can stand safely behind the massive protection of faith.”

6.) “Lord, I choose to lift high the sword of the Spirit, Your Holy Word. Father, thank You for this spiritual weapon that cuts so deeply to bring about conviction and repentance.”

Wow, I didn’t think I was ever going to write a post so long. Sorry.
Here are some additional scriptures that might help keep the focus off of the flesh:

Matthew 26:41, Romans 13:14, and Galatians 5:16-17.

Also, take a look at Nick Vujicic on youtube. He was born without any arms or legs. Like us, he is single and longs for a relationship, but he is really focused on reaching souls for Christ too.
Did you know he can cook, swim, shave, brush his teeth, etc. all without arms or legs? Yep, so check him out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3LFBqvvW-M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DxlJWJ_WfA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tl58qufXfYk

Good luck to all of you and I will remember you all in prayer! God Bless!

P.S. Several people in the bible had to wait till they were in their late 30’s and 40’s before they were married.

I know, I know, you’re wishing I hadn’t said it, but it is true and if they can hold out, so can we!

LaQuesha   on October 7th, 2009

My greatest struggle(s) being a single woman is, one, trusting God to fill every void in my life. I feel like, ‘God, You’re spirit so I don’t see how you can hold me in your arms like a mate would’. But then I’m reminded how He can do anything and how He has filled my stomach when I was fasting. Case in point is an example of a “physical void” He’s filled for me time and time again (thank You Lord – answered prayer!). I know He can do the same with physical comfort from a mate.

My second issue is with patience. As much as I hear God saying, ‘wait’, I get really eager and go after the guy. And after looking up the meaning of eager, I knew I didn’t want to operate in that spirit. By the way, going after a guy is nothing more than me telling him that I have feelings for him – however – God tells me not to even do that. There’s something about how the right man will come after me, not the other way around. The guys that are too scared to approach me could not handle me so I shouldn’t want them. That’s what I feel like God is telling me.

God is sooooo good and I want to wait on the right man (if the Lord wills I marry at all) in the right season.

Allen   on October 7th, 2009

Hi Chip
I have started going to Church in the eavening’s now and have joined a singles group. Some 200 people showed up and the weekend before it was almost double that. Listening to your broadcast about dateing in the Church I have decided not to until Im better prepared with myself and God. I do want Gods best and Im willing to wait. The one thing I observed was that maybe half these people were there just to date and the other half still had issues to work out and was there for the Spiritual learning. I talked to those about you and we paired off and was really makeing progress and I just ran out of material to tell them. You have definately woke me up and what I have learned from you so far I have identified what went wrong in my past marriage. Thank you and God bless. Cant wait for the rest.

blujay   on October 10th, 2009

I’m a 28yo male and I’ve had quite the colorful relational background and now I’m pretty sure (still counseling with wise people) that I’m gifted with singleness. This may sound very odd even from a biblical or cultural perspective but I find singleness a comforting and natural state. (Though not for everyone)

I’m very thankful for your teachings Chip…but there are a few important things you need to address. These are both questions I struggle with and ones I think would be helpful for others to answer.

Others have touched on how to deal with overcoming mental and hormonal pressures of sexual fulfillment with biblical exercises, but my question is a bit deeper than this. If these sexual desires are a God given desire for us to develop intimacy with another (wither male or female), how do we develop an intimacy with others (or with God) that will satisfy those desires, while remaining single/pure?

This leads to my next question.
When attempting to develop a deeper friendship with females (much easier than with males)I seem to illicit a romantic response. (kind of hard not to when I’m so nice and good looking…not to toot my own horn But that isn’t what my interest is in developing a relationship with them…so I end up backing away from all such relations. So how does someone approach and develop a relationship that is only interested in a good friendship and spiritual/social intimacy while remaining single.

Which leads to my last question:
How does one remain single yet not isolated? I think that is the biggest question on all our single minds.

Soli Deo Gloria,
Jay

robert   on October 14th, 2009

Chip:
I heard your message about remarriage. Im 57 and freshly divorced. I was sexually addicted for 2 years. Acted out twice with other woman. I raelly did not know what an addiction was,till my wife kicked me out. I admitted my sin,repented, went to 12 step program,and began a new relationship with Christ. My wife did not support this. Yes we went to conseling one time. The volunteer said do not do this. That was not professional. Bottom line, my wife filed in 30 days. the divorce was final in August. My heart tells me this was based on anger and emotion. My relationship with God is growing everyday. Several people are praying for reconciliation. Chip in your talk that day, you spoke of how much harder it is to go through divorce,than to work out the sin and have a goal of forgiveness. I press on with my relationship with God, and pray God would soften my ex wife’s heart. Am I on track with this thought process?

Thanks
Robert

MRN   on October 15th, 2009

Hi Chip,

Your teachings are always a blessing! I just got done reading all the above comments and so many expressed exactly what I feel so it tells me that our heartbreaks are not isolated. I am a 53 y/o and twice divorced female. I am divorced now and single for 15 years. My last and brief dating experience was about 8 years ago. During these 15 years I have had many incredible experiences with God and His love for me, being content and fulfilled in Him, but I have also had many deep and difficult struggles with being alone. It is a battle and it comes and goes. I have asked God many times to take the desire to be married away from me and if I am to be single for the rest of my life to be content. I must admit that I still desire to be married. Don’t get me wrong there are many wonderful things about being single that I do like and sometimes I am afraid that I have been single to long and maybe too self-centered to share my life with someone again?? I don’t know.. Here are a few of my biggest challenges: I am soooo tired of being alone so much. I do ache to have companionship with a man who truely loves God and is filled with His Spirit. I have many married people(Christians!) tell me that marriage is not that great. First of all this makes me angry for two reasons: 1. I have been divorced twice. I already know what a bad marriage is. 2. When I ask them if they would want to be single for 15 years they say “NO WAY. I COULD’NT DO THAT” Like I want to be single!! I’m not choosing this.. So many people say so many hurtful, stupid things which I know they do not think about before they say and those comments only deepen the hurt and inadequate feelings! Another HUGE issue is the church and their attitude toward especially middle age singles/divorcees. As an attractive divorced woman I have been scorned or treated coldly by many married women in the churches. NO I DO NOT WANT TO STEAL YOUR HUSBANDS!! I have talked to other divorced women who have experienced the same reactions! This is very hurtful!!! and still going on.. Sometimes I feel like the church is an exclusive group for mainly families or the elderly. In so many churches their are single groups for young adults and elders(mid 60’s and older), but not 40’s and 50’s. However, there are so many single groups and activities for my age group in the secular arena. WHY??? I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m tired of being in churches where the love of God is taught and everyone is raising their hands and praising God and then they go out to lunch after the service with all their couples and you are not asked. And lastly, I have heard many wonderful preachers and teachers talk on being single and in another sermon on marriage and families or whatever, state that their wife or husband is their best friend and love of their life and have been so blessed with their mate. I struggle with this if you have that and have never been divorced or struggled with being single for years. It’s like your telling us one thing and the very thing we ache for your praising God for. OUCH! Again, I vacillate. I am in a low time right now. Maybe due to the season. Fall is my favorite time of the year. Please I don’t need more scriptures thrown at me. If no mate I would love to have more singles like me who love the Lord to share this journey with to Glorify God in our singleness. Not hook-ups!! I know they are out there but where??

Anonymous   on October 15th, 2009

To MRN

Thank you so much for your post. I can relate so much to your situation. I am 47 and have been divorced since 1998. I tried dating some and each time a relationship failed I felt like a failure. The fact that my ex remarried after one year adds to that. My church family always loved me and invited me to their homes and I was involved in ministry. But that doesn’t relieve the longing have someone to share with and talk to at the end of the day. I am blessed with a couple of married friends that do not have jealousy issues, but I have experienced this from a few others and it was not nice. My friends are good listeners but they really can’t understand what its like to be single at this age. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one of my species left and there is just no one out there I can really relate to. Knowing I am not the only one struggling with this issue helps.
I too like some aspects about being single. But I still feel like I am marking time till that perfect special person comes into my life. I don’t think that is how God wants me to live. So like everyone else I ask : How do singles ( of all ages) get out there and connect with others and live a full and vibrant God centered life.

Amy   on October 20th, 2009

Chip

Thank you for asking. I am a 41 year old divorced woman with 2 teenagers. I was married for 17 years and divorced for 3 1/2. The greatest struggle I have is the loneliness. After the divorce, I bought into the lie that nobody would want to date if it wasnt physical. God kept calling me back to him telling me there was a better way. I tried dating sites and when that didnt work, I looked for singles groups. The closest one is one hour from my home and for 20-30 somethings.

About a year ago, I dated someone who was a Christian and I thought he would understand my need to stay pure and do it Gods way this time. He did not that is when I totally gave it to God.

I started chatting on christian sites for friendships and that has been my saving grace. I have found comfort in friendships. I am closer to God then I have ever been.

Tiffany   on October 20th, 2009

Wow. I just read a few people’s comments, and it is such a comfort to know that I’m not the only one going through this. I am twenty-seven, never had a boyfriend, been on a date, etc. For the most part I am content with my life. However, I do think about growing old alone, and the people in my life seem to have a hard time accepting me as I am. The can’t understand why I don’t date, why I don’t want to date, or why I am not worried about finding a man in my life. I’ve had people ask me if I am gay, I am not, and a million other silly questions. It simply isn’t important to me. I don’t feel that it is an issue worthy of all my time. I figure if God wants me to find a man, He will send him to me, and if it is “the one,” I won’t dismiss him as I have all the others. All the guys I have met so far, are only interested in things I am not or don’t feel are right. Maybe I am wrong, but so far, this theory is working for me.

Al   on October 20th, 2009

Hi,
I liked your teaching and I entirely agree with what you said. I’m a female in her late 20s, and has never been in a serious relationship. I think of myself as a person who knows how to hear God and follows it. So, I have been waiting for the God’s man and I believe God will let me know when he turns up. In the meantime, I’ve always been devoted to God’s work since I got saved 7 years ago. And I know what kind of man I want. However, there’s something I can’t handle in my singleness: falling in love with guys who are not interested in having a relationship with me. It’s been happening again and again. All of them are single Christians, of course. I wouldn’t pay attention to non-Christians. And all of them love to be my best friends but nothing else. It is like a pattern. Each time I promise myself not to do this again. Doesn’t work. Each time I give what’s best of me and each time I end up feeling ‘trampled’. I have a few male very good friends, although, and it is pure friendship, so I don’t fall in love with any guy I just feel I have so much to give, I have to give it to someone. I know I have been created to be a helper, sustainer, etc. and it gives me fullfillment. This is my biggest struggle in being single; the desire to live for someone, one person.
Am I the only one who struggles with falling in love and it’s never reciprocal? I read somewhere it’s quite normal for single women but noone said how can one deal with it. I really want my heart and mind to be at peace at last.

Trubadour   on October 22nd, 2009

In Response to AMY who posted on 10/20.
I am a 43 yr. old male who has had a nearly identical experience to you. I am so glad you are closer to the Lord than you have ever been. Dating presents many challanges, not the least of which is the call to honor the Lord (& our partner) with our bodies. I have had to have many discussions with dates where it was necsesarry to gently set forth the vision of purity that God has givin me for building an enduring romance & to do so without giving any impression that I was rejecting them. (a word of advice to anyone else reading this; the more physically affirming you’ve been, the more difficult it becomes to reset healthy boundarys)
I’m glad that you have recognised that it was a lie that no one would want to honor purity (both yours & their own) in a dating relationship. The place for our hope then begins to rest fully upon the Lord to lead us toward the one He has been preparing for us. With so many discouraging experiences & such a strong pull from our own flesh, we can become withdrawn & resistant to seeing the Lords hand in guiding us toward that one He has for us. We must be open to recieving from the Lord all that He has for us, including an exiting whirlwind of romance. I always tell those who seek my counsel about building relationships that while they cannot force them to develop, they can certinally block them from even having a chance to start. It’s important that we accept the responsibility for our own lonliness. It’s easy to blame God or our circumstances for it, but we should be fully engaged with the Lord by allowing Him to develop within us the treasure that He will eventually give to another in an answer to their prayers. Dont you want to be the answer to someone elses prayers? I do! I caution you not to settle. Satan will always offer a substitute for Gods best for us when he cant draw us off course directly. Above all, trust God that the time He asks us to wait isn’t meaningless. He wants to redeem it, but our participation in our sanctification as He prepares us for the blessings He wants to give us is essential. Many of us miss out on the blessings He has prepared for us because of a focus on our ourselves. We think we should have more than we do. That attitude will never position us to recieve from God. He wants to give us blessings (including a spouse) but will withold whatever we are not prepared to recieve in gratitude.
In closing, there is a great book on all of this by Eric & Leslie Ludy called “When God writes your Love Story”. I promise that you will be blessed if you read it.

Constance   on October 26th, 2009

To Tiffany (post on Oct. 20, 2009):

Wow! You sound a lot like me. I can completely relate. And, we are only one year apart in age too.

If you would like to have an online friend, please visit my blog and let me know by leaving me a comment.

My blog address is:
http://words-of-encouragement4u.blogspot.com

Thanks and God Bless!

Constance

Jay D.   on October 31st, 2009

52 male, divorced 11 yrs from a marriage of 11 yrs.
Lust destroyed my marriage and has only receded gradually from my life. All the same singleness is a blessing to me. (It is a far greater blessing to the lady who is not in a relationship with me)
Chip, be careful with this thread. I have seen to many programs like this turn into “Springerism”, one of the reasons I won’t go into details.
Suffice it to say I have more than I can handle messing up my own life. Why would I want the added obligation of messing up some one elses?
<3JD

Sojourner   on November 7th, 2009

Hey Chip….all I can say is thank you for being used by our Father in Heaven. I’m a 37 year old single father of two incredible daughters. I am striving everyday to teach them to become women of Faith, Integrity and Virtue. I’ve never been on this blog site before nor did I realize that you were broadcasting your series on Singleness this week….however…the Lord has aligned our focus…last night I launched a Bible study at my home and we are using your study on Singleness Blessing or Curse….the Lord truly moved through the evening as we all opened up and had incredible sharing…. I know that our Father was honored. Thank you for all of the tools and resources that I am armed with now as I continue to find my place in His ministry and where I can be used for His Glory. If any one lives in NC and would like to join us for upcoming events you can check out this link at

http://www.meetup.com/triads-single-christian-adventurers-and-social-group

Living Pure and walking with our Lord is the only way…. I consider it an honor and blessing to run along side each and every one you. Stay strong and keep the Faith….:))
Through Christ,
Chad

raeart   on November 11th, 2009

I am recently single again after 2 divorces. The fist produced two wonderful children who are in their 40’s now and the 2nd produced two children in their 30’s. I left my 2nd husband after 33 years of marriage. I am a Christian and have been for over 30 years so I wanted my marriage to last. My ex abused alcohol and verbally and emotionally abused me all during that time. I wasn’t good enough, everything bad that happened was my fault, we didn’t have enough money and that was my fault. I have broad shoulders but enough is enough. It broke my heart to have to end the marriage but I am so much better off for it. My children supported me now and then. They are wonderful. I have no desire to date as of right now and I know I am NOT going to get into a sexual relationship with anyone prior to marriage. Maybe God wants me to remain single so that’s where I am right now. Maybe some day but right now, no. God bless Chip. I love your broadcasts and your emails.

hostuff   on December 12th, 2009

I am aborn again chistian. I have been married t and divorced becuse of abuse by my husband. I remarried and stayed with the gentkleman 10 yeaars, but there was always problems with my children not liking him. He would in turn blame me about there behavior. In some instances they were correct because he was from Arican and he went home for a visit and married a woman there. My daughter found out and by loooking in his briefcase. I confronted him with what we had found and he got mad. We parted and divorced. I believe that I should not have been married the second time and by marrying led to all these problems in our relationship. Now I blame myself for getting married and asked God for forgiveness for getting married and committing adultury. I need love and now think I will never be able to find love again because God will be not forgive mfe beccause I will be committing adultury again. I do not wwant to committe adultery so will I have to be alonfe forever?